September 12, 2012

Saying "no"

This is going to be a short post. Well, short for me, anyway. I think I start out every post intending it to be short and most of them don't usually end up that way.

About 10 days ago (the Friday before Labor day) we got an unusual phone call. I answered it and was pretty shocked to hear our China coordinator on the other side. She said,

"I know you weren't expecting a call like this, but we have a referral for you."

I should also add that she followed that sentence with, "I should warn you, she's really cute!"

She was right....we were NOT expecting that! They had told us it would be 6+ months for a referral. But, they'd also told us we could easily have multiple referrals too. We had discussed this possibility beforehand and felt like we were prepared to deal with that, so we agreed to review the file. They were also right about her being cute. She was absolutely beautiful; two years old with big brown eyes, wispy hair and perfect little pink lips. The next few days were spent scrambling to find medical information on a holiday weekend and researching medical conditions I'd never heard of before.

After consulting with our specialist (who amazingly was in his office for 15 minutes that day RIGHT after I sent him the file) as well as other families who had reviewed that I was able to connect with on Yahoo groups, we determined that the special need listed in her file was likely a symptom of a more serious genetic disorder. Unfortunately, there's a huge spectrum with how it presents itself, ranging from virtually nothing to severe developmental delays, seizures, autism, etc.

With the limited medical information we had, we just couldn't say yes.
But saying no was so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a crier. But after finding out several other families had reviewed her file and also said "no," all I could think about was how she'd feel if she knew all these people were rejecting her. That no one wanted her. I had to force my thoughts in a different direction to avoid losing it in front of my kids.

I think that I've mentioned that so far with this process, God has given us peace about every decision we've made...including starting this $30,000 journey with ZERO in our adoption fund and adding a complete unknown to our very "normal" family. And as much as we researched and prayed and researched more and tried to envision her in our family, we just didn't feel that same peace about this referral.

Not that that makes it any less of a heartache.

So for now we're just praying God will make it painfully obvious which one he wants to be ours. And also praying SO hard that she'll find a family. One who wants her so bad they can hardly stand it!

Some friends who just got home from China with their second child told Jon, "when you see the right one, you'll know."

I hope they're right.


  1. Oh Ginny, that is a hard will find the "right" one...but this is the reason that I couldn't do foster care...I can't say "NO"...I will keep you all in my prayers. And her for finding her "family". You and Jon are amazing!! :)

  2. My heart goes out to your family. I have been praying and will continue to pray that you find peace in your decision; it is gut-wrenching to have to say no. Somewhere out there, though, that beautiful little girl's family waits. Best wishes and God bless you all.