August 27, 2012

Matters of the HEART

Tonight marks an interesting point in our adoption process. Beginning at 8am in China (roughly 8pm tonight our time) the Shared List will be updated. (see THIS post to learn about the Shared List) We've completed every government and agency requirement. Because of this...


The chances that that will happen however, are pretty slim. We were the 17th family in our agency's program, and although it doesn't necessarily "go in order," chances are many of those people have paperwork with requests similar to ours, and in those cases, they would be matched first. Bethany typically matches about 4-6 families per month, so if it did go "roughly" in order, we'd still be 3-4 months out.

There's only one thing that may change this...
I haven't shared a lot about the needs we checked "yes" to on our Waiting Child Openness form. But I did want to share one so that those of you who pray for us can pray specifically about this. After evaluating medical resources in our area, we determined that a child with a heart condition might be a good match for us. Heart conditions range from very minor to very severe, and our agency wanted to know VERY specifically which ones we were open to. The problem is that with EVERY condition, there is a spectrum. For example, one of the most minor is a VSD (ventricular septal defect). Basically it's a hole in the ventricular septum. Small holes often require absolutely nothing and close on their own and this is very common. But sometimes the holes are so large that they require open heart surgery.

The problem is, when the agency makes the referral, they have NO idea of the severity of the condition. All they see on their computer for a ventricular septal defect is "VSD".

We were open to a variety of heart condition in the mild to moderate range. Our China representative agreed this would be a good fit for us, but cautioned us that because you almost never know the severity of the heart condition until the file is reviewed by a pediatric cardiologist in the US, we may be looking at multiple referrals.

What this means for us, is that there's a very good chance we could get several referrals, that after being evaluated by a specialist, we will have to turn down. If the prognosis is too severe, we will have to say "no." We expect this to be a very, very hard decision...especially after we've seen the child's face. And even though we'll try not to get attached, it will be difficult to avoid imagining them as part of our family.

So if you're one of the dear people who has been praying for us, could you please pray that the Lord will make it clear to us which child is meant to be ours? And also that we'll find peace in our decision if we need to turn down a referral?

And in the mean time, even though WE don't expect a referral tonight, there will be many other families who DO get one, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind a prayer or two either :)


  1. As our process and yours moves along it is amazing to see how we are growing and seeing things with new eyes. I'm so excited for you all and where you are in the process. To think that we may have little ones around the same age and going through this process but us-domestic and you all-international. We've learned so much, become more humble and have seen life through new eyes. I am encouraged by your feelings and insight. We'll continue to pray for the child who will soon become part of your family and for the transition into your family. I'm so happy for you!

    1. Hey Darcy! Thanks for the note. I echo your sentiments about becoming more humble and seeing life through different eyes. What an experience this is! I saw you and Andrew got a Show Hope grant! That's wonderful! We JUST finished our application a few days ago. I really need to get going on other ones. They are so labor-intensive though and quite honestly, I'm very tired of paperwork! If I had waited a few more days I could have bugged you for tips ;) Keep us posted on your progress!

  2. Saying prayers for your family as well as all the others--and the children who are being matched with each family. :)

  3. I just found you on Pinterest... We are adopting from China through Bethany as well! So glad to have found your blog, can't wait to read your stories :) We are just in the early stages of paperwork and the home study, you will be our light to get us through! We're at
    Check us out and any pointers would be WELL appreciated ;)